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Living With MS: Taking Care of Mike Part 2
This post was submitted by Veronica Keyes. Please see her earlier post: Living With MS: Taking Care of Mike.
Homage to My Hero Mike
It has been two years and eight months since my husband, Mike Keyes, was admitted to a nursing home. During that time I have seen how MS takes hold of a person and refuses to let go. I wanted to write this post is to show the changes in Mike’s life.
Mike the Handy Man
Mike was not a college grad, however, he could hang with the best of them. He was well read and diverse in many subjects and areas. He never received formal training for electronics yet he could fix anything. He made the speakers for his DJ system from old parts – he was definitely electronically inclined.
To put a bike together was no challenge for him, in the early years of marriage, Mike made a functioning bike from old bike scraps. Many years ago our neighbor, Mrs. Mae had a broken window fan she didn’t want to throw away. Mike came to the rescue and somehow got her fan to work. Before we relocated to Georgia in 2005, Mike implemented the audio/technical system at our church with a minimal budget and was entrusted to maintain it for many years. During the Christmas season he would purchase items for the children he had to put together. It was a challenge for him to do it without instructions. I frequently jest with Mike calling him the jack of all trade and master of all. He proved that to be true each time.
Mike the Provider
Mike was not a lazy man, throughout our marriage he held 2 jobs and always had time for me and our 3 children. In 2000 he worked as a phlebotomist and a certified nurse assistant. His ultimate plan was to become a registered nurse, but that dream was halted when he was diagnosed with MS. Mike would not let that prevent him from providing for his family. He had another plan he went to school for real estate, shortly thereafter he became too ill to actually sell homes.
Mike Today
Today our lives have changed. I visit Mike in the nursing home and it’s difficult for us to talk. We look at each other and our eyes speak more than Mike and I speak. It’s as if our eyes are feasting on our memories. Our conversations are limited because most of the times he is unaware that he has just asked the same question several times. What was once so easy for him to do is now a major chore that seems unattainable – the art of holding a conversation. The joy of plucking my brain or sharing his wealth of knowledge has dwindled to “Ronnie, how are you and the children?” Occasionally, he will surprise me and tell me he is so proud of me. I wait thinking today we will have a conversation of substance. Then as I began to get excited he regresses to “So Ronnie, how are you and the children.” There for all to see, the cruel face of MS reveals itself again.
Throughout this post, I used the word “was” because MS has taken Michael away, and it has given me Mike. I don’t want anyone to feel I’ve abandoned Mike. Not at all, I have to accept that Michael is different. I am grieving Michael and embracing Mike. Yes, it is a coping mechanism for me. I don’t apologize for that because I have to do what keep me sane and focused.
Mike and I realized many years ago we were put together for me a reason. We often joke I was put in his life to tell him about Jesus Christ and he was put in my life to spoil me rotten. It has worked for us we are truly great friends and we balance each other.
Be encouraged.
Why do I Blog about Family Caregiving?
When I decided to start A Caregiver’s Journal, my only intent was to journal my experience of taking care of my sister so her friends and family members could keep up with her. It didn’t take long for me to realize that there are many more pieces to this caregivers’ puzzle. Every story is different, yet similar. So I decided to use this blog to accomplish a little more:
- create a caregivers’ blog that is positive, sometimes humorous
- offer a way for caregivers’ to help each other
- focus mainly on family caregiving, particularly caring for our aging family members
- provide a platform for other caregivers’ to share their stories
A few weeks ago I was talking to a few people at church about my blog. One of them, Veronica, mentioned that she wished she had done something like that when she was taking care of her husband, Mike, who is now in a nursing home. She said she had so many things that she was not able to express. I told Veronica that if she wanted to write it down and e-mail it to me, that I would post it on my site. That post is called, Living with MS: Taking Care of Mike. Veronica’s post is one of the most read posts on this site.
As destiny would have it, the post ended up in the hands of The Georgia Chapter of the National MS Society and Deliver the Dream, two organization that work together to provide a four day retreat for families of people with MS. A representative from the organization contacted Veronica to interview her for a news story about the retreat.
This is why I blog about caregiving and why I offer a platform for others to share their experiences. I help you, you help me and together we can touch the lives of thousands, even millions of people by each of us adding another piece to the puzzle.
A Caregivers Notes on Managing Dementia
A few days ago I was at Walgreens to pick up a few prescriptions. While I was waiting I noticed a pamphlet written by AARP in cooperation with Walgreens. The title of the pamphlet is Managing Dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease.
Here is an exerpt from the pamphlet:
For caregivers: How to help
- Develop a routine
- Let your loved one make decsions about activities, food, clothing and other choices for as long as possible. Let him or her be independent, even if tasks take more time or are not done well. When the person needs help, offer it gently.
- Keep dangerous items out of reach. Lock up knives, scissors, medicines, cleaning supplies, power tools and other dangerous items.
- Don’t let your loved one drive if he or she cannot do so safely
- Get medical alert jewelry for the person so you can be contacted if he or she wanders away. If possible, provide a safe place for wandering, such as an enclosed yard or garden.
- Understand the disease. Know that your loved one’s behavior may change. He or she may strike out or become easily angered. Don’t argue. Let the person know you understand and try to focus the person’s attention on something else. Use short and simple words and sentences.
- Your loved one will need more care as the condition gets worse. In time, he or she may need help to eat, get dressed or use the bathroom. You may be able to give this care at home, but the time may come when a nursing home is the best choice.
Think about yourself
- It can be sad and scary to care for a loved one who has dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. It can leave you feeling drained. Be sure to take care of yourself and give yourself a break. Ask family members to share the load, or get other help.
- You’re not alone. Many people have loved ones with these conditions. Ask your doctor about local support groups, or search the Internet for online support groups
As I read the brochure I found it interesting that it reminds the caregiver to take care of herself. The reason I was getting prescriptions filled is because I let a cyst go untreated too long and it got infected. Just like many other caregivers, I stay on top of Gladys’ care but tend to neglect my own.
