Long Term Eldercare - Who Will Take Care of You?

Before becoming a caregiver, I didn’t give much thought to being an elder care recipient.  I have a husband and two adult daughters, with whom I intend to keep a good relationship so they will want to take care of me if I become too old or feeble to take care of myself.

If you are a widow or widower with no siblings, children or close relatives, who will take care of you?  Do you have a close friend whose family will take you in, or will you end up a ward of the state?

I became a caregiver for my god-sister, Gladys, because she is a widow with no siblings, no children and no close family who could take care of her.  Because she and I were raised as sisters (despite our age difference) her care became my responsibility and I am glad that I can take care of her.  However, this type of relationship is not always the case.

There is a member of my church who has been bed ridden for the past six years.  She is in her forties and cannot care for herself.  She has a 13 year old daughter who has been helping her mother as much as she can. This lady has siblings but is estranged from her family, so members of our church check on her and try to help out.  It’s not easy to help her because she can be very difficult and quite unpleasant.  Every time I see this woman I think about how we should value our family and friends because we might need them some day.

According to statistics, there are approximately 50 million family caregivers.  Currently, there are 35 million Americans over the age of 65.  More than 5 million Americans are over the age of 85.  Do you have enough insurance or money saved up for long term care?  If not, what are your plans for future care?  You may not need it but what if you do?

In addition to thinking through this process:

• Have you talked with family members about care preferences
• Do you have a living will
• Have you given thought to a power of attorney
• Who will help with bills and finances

Fortunately for us, Gladys had her attorney draw up a will, living will and gave me her power of attorney in 1993.  I did not need to use it until 2005.

As unpleasant as it may be, these are hard conversations to have and tough decisions to make, but it’s better to do it now before it becomes necessary.  When these decisions are necessary, they become emotional decisions and that’s usually not good.

Give it some thought, have some conversations and come up with a plan.

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Five Things I Learned from Caregiving

Since becoming a caregiver for my god-sister, I have learned a few things and become more sensitive to aging issues.  At 56 years old, I’m no spring chicken so I know what it’s like to slow down a little, lose some flexibility and stamina. However, my aging issues are minor compared to my sister’s.

Some of what I have learned and developed increased sensitivity to are:

1. Slow Driving Seniors:  I am no longer impatient with slow driving seniors.  Just because I usually drive 10 miles over the speed limit doesn’t mean I need to be impatient with someone who is driving 10 miles under the speed limit.  I just go around them and appreciate that they are driving within their comfort level and I’m glad they can still get around by themselves.
2. Patience in Dressing:  On a normal day I can get showered, hair combed, makeup done and dressed in 30 minutes.  For the life of me, I could not understand why it took Gladys 1 1/2 hours to get dressed.  That is until I saw the Xtreme Aging Workshop segment on the Today Show.  Joint problems, vision problems and dexterity problems can add to slow movement.
3. Patience in Eating:  Similar to Patience in Dressing, joint and dexterity issues affect meal time.  I have to do three things for Gladys at meal time: 1) cover her up to catch spills and accidents; 2) giver her utensils that have a larger handle and 3) use plastic drinking vessels because glass is too heavy.
4. Handicapped Parking:  Before becoming a caregiver, I had never parked in a handicapped space and I did not understand why those extra stripped spaces were next to handicapped parking spaces.  Now I understand that those stripped spaces allow additional room to position wheel chairs and walkers.  I learned the disadvantage to not having that extra space at Gladys’ doctor’s office.  They don’t have those extra stripped spaces next to the handicapped parking, so if the lot is full, I have to stop in front of the office, let Gladys out and take her inside.  Then I have to go back out and park the car.
5. Handicapped Bathrooms:  I must admit, I have used handicapped bathrooms, especially at the airport.  The handicapped bathroom had enough space for me to move around comfortably with my purse, coat, briefcase and suitcase.  A few months ago I had to take Gladys to the hospital for some tests.  While we were there Gladys had to go to the bathroom.  We encountered several problems:  1) there was furniture on the wall opposite the bathroom so I had to move the furniture in order to get Gladys’ wheel chair through the door.  2) someone was in the handicap stall and Gladys couldn’t wait; so now we had to leave the wheel chair outside the stall while I tried to maneuver Gladys into a stall with no hand rail and no room for two people.  Needless to say, I no longer use the handicapped stall in the bathroom. You never know when someone who needs that stall will come in.

Of course, I have learned more than these five things, but I think they are enough for now.  What would you add to this list?

Related Reading:

Caregiving:  Wheel Chairs, Handicapped Parking and Baby Monitors
Caregiver’s Check List

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Caregivers Experience Old Age Through Xtreme Aging Workshop

This morning the Today Show did a segment on aging in which Matt and Meredith participated in an exercise that simulates what it’s like to live as an elderly person. The exercise was conducted by Vickie Rosebrook of the Mackland Intergenerational Institute that offers Xtreme Aging Training.

Xtreme Aging Training
The Macklin Intergenerational Institute’s Xtreme Aging workshop is interactive and experiential. Participants will be able to identify and challenge common myths about aging, take part in a simulated experience as an Elder, and develop a plan of action to build better relationships with the elderly.

For more information, you can visit their website at www.mackliniginstitute.org.

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