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A Challenging Day For The Weekend Caregiver
Sometimes you know early on that the day is going to be difficult. Yesterday was one of those days. Dealing with an elderly person who is disabled and has dementia, is a challenge in itself, no additional drama is necessary.
Sunday is a work day for me and I try to get to church about 7:00 AM. I got up at 5:00 AM so I could cut up my stew meat and vegetables and get them into the crock pot before I went to church. When I went downstairs, I kept hearing a child scream. I looked outside and didn’t see anyone, then I went to check on Gladys before I started on the stew. Lo and behold, she was watching television. That’s where the scream came from.
I asked Gladys why she was up so early and how long she had been up. Of course, she didn’t know. I told her to go back to bed because it was only 5 AM and if she stayed up she was going to fall asleep at church. So she went back to bed and back to sleep.
On Sundays, my daughter, Anita, comes over to stay with Gladys when Fred and I leave for church. She gets Gladys ready for church and takes her to the 10:45 AM service. After Anita takes Gladys to Fred, she volunteers with the Media Ministry on one of the cameras.
This morning, however, Gladys was being contrary and just wouldn’t cooperate. Gladys is often contrary with Anita but this morning it was really bad. Anita kept asking Gladys to get up, which she did, but as soon as Anita left the room, Gladys got back in the bed. After the third time, she told Anita “I’m not getting ready to die and I don’t want to go to church.”
We don’t know why Gladys is mean to Anita and we are trying to figure out what to do about it. Here’s the problem – Anita is an adult with a life of her own. She is doing me a favor by coming to the house on Sunday mornings at 6:45 AM to stay with Gladys and I want her to keep coming. I’m afraid that Gladys will run her off, then that will be a real problem because I don’t know who else I can get to come to the house that early in the morning to stay with Gladys.
Sunday was a challenge and we need to figure out what to do about future incidents. I don’t need the drama but I do need my weekend relief.
4 People have left comments on this post
Mar 3, 2009 - 01:03:18This is so difficult. It may be that she is “stepping down” and needs different treatment. Could Anita just stay with her while you are gone without trying to get her to church?
I saw this with my mother in law. She became less and less interested in other people and group events of any kind. They confused her and made her feel self conscious. And she became a televsion addict, too.
Hi Hattie, I need to look into the term “stepping down.” It’s a new one for me. But in regards to Anita and Gladys, I don’t think that’s it. Anita is the only one Gladys treats that way. Anita is 28 but she looks about 17. My oldest daughter who Gladys used to live with says Gladys treated her daughters the same way. I think she resents taking direction from someone she perceives to be a child.
As far as Anita not bringing Gladys to church, that won’t work. Anita is on the Media Ministry at church and works one of the cameras on Sunday. I would have to hire someone to stay with Gladys, but all of the people who have volunteered to help (and I trust) are also members of the church who come to the second service.
Yes, it does seem like a different situation. For one thing, you are very church and community oriented and need to keep that going. My mother in law was always an introvert, and she definitely started withdrawing. I am tending that way myself these days and have to force myself to stay active in the community.
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