Hi Valerie,

This sounds similar to my grandfather’s former situation. He wanted to move out of my aunt’s home in order to live indepently, except he has dementia.

What I would suggest is that the granddaughter consult with an “Elder Law” attorney. She can find one in her area through the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys. Here is the link to their national directory: http://www.naela.org/MemberDirectory/

The interesting aspect of caring for our elders is that every situation is unique. Also, when it comes to Elder Law, every state has its own set of laws. I’d be interested to know what state the family is in.

I also strongly recommend that the grandmother get her legal documents done, such as a will, living will, power of attorney, advanced directives, and healthcare proxy. This will save the family lots of headaches because it will clarify exactly what she wants and will hold up against objections, in most cases.

It sounds like her son is holding her captive against her will. If I’m not mistaken, the only way her son can legally decide where your grandmother lives is if he has been made her legal guardian by a court of law. Whether she has appointed her son power of attorney has absolutely nothing to do with it (except for the fact that if he does have her power of attorney, he could control most, if not all, of her financial resources).

Since her son will not respect her requests to move, you should immediately discuss the situation with an attorney who specializes in elder law. Not just any regular attorney can help you.

There are a lot of potentially nasty problems in the situation you describe. You should be aware of the fact that her son could be holding her captive so that he can drain all of the money out of her bank accounts. (That happens more often than we’d like to believe.) He could also be holding her captive so that she cannot seek out legal help on her own.

I wish you the best in your efforts to resolve this very unpleasant family situation.

If she is under hospice, surely they understand the situation. Top priority is the well being of your grandmother. If there are quarrels about who is the good person and who gets the money, that’s another issue.
Legal intervention may be necessary, which might lead to her ending up in a care home.
Not a nice situation, it sounds like.

Every situation is different. If someone does not have funds for legal counsel from an elder law attorney, one option may be to contact Adult Protective Services. As a third party, APS can investigate and intervene. In one case here, APS conducted an investigation and required a family member to release funds for appropriate care. This is just another option to explore.

I do and agree with Nancy about getting consultation from the Adult Protective Services. This may create an ugly situation between the family members, but the most impportant person is the grandmother. If she needs a shared residence or some one to take care of her grandmother without putting her into a nursing home. I do have a list of referrals where she can place her grandmother if they are in the Atlanta area provided she has the necessary resources and finances.

These are some great suggestions. The only problem here is that we don’t know what state this young lady lives in. I asked her for that information but she probably wants to remain anonymous. We also don’t know if the grandmother has dementia or whether or not the son has power of attorney. Too many unknowns.

I just hope there can be an amicable solution.