Subscribe to RSSAches, Pains, Dementia and Aging – A Bad Combination
Gladys fell on Tuesday evening. She didn’t seem to hurt herself and she doesn’t remember falling. However, she is moving more slowly than usual and needs more assistance. I kept her home from day care on Wednesday so I could keep an eye on her and give her the help she needed. The following is an account of what transpired this morning. For the new caregiver and the soon to be caregiver, it’s a glimpse of what could be things to come. For the veteran caregiver, you’ve probably been there.
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It’s 4:06 AM and I go downstairs to check on Gladys. She is sitting in the chair at the end of her bed holding the comforter up to herself, trying to keep warm. I ask Gladys why she is sitting in the chair. She doesn’t know. I suspect she got up to use the bedside commode but was unable to get back into the bed.
I help her out of the chair and watch her struggle to lift each leg to walk the six feet back to her bed. Her leg trembles as it starts and stops on its way to a lift. Eventually she drags the leg enough to move about an inch. She repeats the same thing with the other leg. In the meantime she struggles with her upper body, trying to navigate the walker in the direction she wants it to go. About ten minutes later she has walked the six feet and is standing at the side of the bed.
She sits down on the side of the bed and attempts to push herself back and into the bed. Her arms have no strength and she doesn’t move an inch. I lift her legs into the bed and I hear her bones creaking and feel them moving around under her skin. Her face writhes in pain. She is in a very awkward position and I can’t move her any further, so I call my husband, Fred, to help me. We finally get her comfortably positioned and everyone goes back to bed. It’s 4:35 AM.
At 5:30 AM I hear Gladys moving around and I go back down to her room. She is standing in front of her bedside commode trying to adjust her clothes. She doesn’t know that I am watching and continues to struggle. I make my presence known and she continues with her clothing. She is trying to pull her underwear down and her gown up but she can’t figure out which piece of clothing is her her hand. She stops in frustration, lets out a heavy sigh and asks me, “what am I trying to do?” I tell her what to do.
While I am waiting for her to finish using the commode, I sit on the steps with her cat, Lexie, beside me. I wait for the slow unsteady rise to a standing position. I wait for her to adjust her clothes. I wait for her to take all of the tiny steps to move the 10 inches from the commode to her bed. This time she is able to get back into the bed with just a little help.
It’s 6:08 AM.
11 People have left comments on this post
Mar 12, 2009 - 10:03:48Valerie, thank you for sharing your story. It’s so hard, and my husband does most of the work with my dad. On the one hand, no one would provide the care that our loved ones need the way we do. On the other hand, it’s exhausting, and we don’t get things done that we need to get done.
My husband is literally a saint. He cleans my dad when he has #2 accidents. He gives him his baths. My husband is so incredibly wise when it comes to caring for my father.
Thank you again, Valerie.
Your husband is a saint. So is my husband. He did so much for his mother. However, we did hire people to help.
@KWiz and Hattie,
On behalf of Fred, thank you. I believe there are many husbands out there who are very helpful when it comes to caregiving. Lots of families complain that men don’t help, but we should give credit where credit is due.
Thanks, guys!
Right now a couple in their 80′s in our neighborhood are trying to hold on. Their children are frantic but seem helpless to move these stubborn and proud people into facilities more suitable for their present state of infirmity.
Do you know of any advice that would help in this situation? I spent yesterday talking to the couple about real estate, and I could be blunter with them than their kids could be. Having been out the market so long they overvalue their house and do not realize that they would have trouble selling their house now. They tend to value very highly what they have and do not see things through the eyes of potential buyers.
They ran a tight ship as parents, and their kids are still afraid of them, I think. It is hard for my neighbors to face the realities as to their assets and their state of health.
Valerie, thank you for sharing. I know a night such as yours most likely will come soon with my mother.
Judy.
Hattie – your neighbors adult children might benefit from a talking with a geriatric case manager.
Judy, one of the things I am trying to do now is take a nap when I can. Also, I’m learning to take a day off – when my husband is home or my daughter is at the house, I just take it easy and let them tend to Gladys. I’m always amazed at how much my body appreciates the rest.
Hattie – this is a tough one. If the couple’s minds are still sharp can a case worker or their children make them do anything. If their children are afraid of them, I don’t think they will take any action. Do you think they would listen to their doctor regarding their health?
As far as their house is concerned, if you could talk them into having the house appraised, maybe that would help them see the light as to the value of their home and the state of the housing market.
All excellent suggestions, and I will carry through with them. Thank you so much. This is real help.
With my Mom, I wake her up when I have to use the bathroom (during the night) and we waltz into the bathroom. I use a short nightshirt (on purpose) so I can help pull her disposable briefs up and down easier. To help with her balance, I also have Mom use the “handlebars” we have installed on the toilet to raise/lower herself. After Mom urinates, we waltz back into her bedroom and I re-tuck her back into bed.
Please keep me in your prayers as I *TRY* to find a job that works better with the daycare hours. Currently, I’m scheduled to be off by 7pm or 7:30pm *every* shift I work. The daycare closes at 6:30pm and my supervisor won’t work with me. After 20 yrs with the company, I’m *MORE* than ready to get a job where I get off earlier, so I can pick up Mom myself and not have to juggle Mom-sitters for each shift.
Betty J – these are all good suggestions, many of which we already have in place. Gladys has a bedside commode with the handle bars and also has a raised toilet seat with handle bars in her bathroom. All of her gowns have been shortened, but she still manages to wet them on the toilet. She wears disposable underwear but at some point during the night she takes them off and doesn’t remember doing so.
One of the problems we have is that about three months before Gladys had her stroke, we downsized and purchased a three story town house. So when we moved Gladys here, we converted the first floor into a living area for her (she can’t climb steps). We sleep on the third floor. I usually check on her about twice every night but I won’t wake her because when she is awakened after falling asleep, she is extremely disoriented. She gets up during the night to use the commode but sometimes she doesn’t make it.
I will add you to our prayer list. I hope your employer will work with you on your hours or you can find an employer who will.
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