As I write this post my god-sister, Gladys, is listening to a CD – The Best of Nat King Cole.  She is sitting in her lounge chair just as satisfied as she can be.  I am amazed to hear her sing along.  She is smiling, she is happy and she is content.

In contrast, just yesterday, Gladys was extremely agitated.  She was crying, her eyes were tightly closed, her teeth were chattering and her hand was closed into a tight fist.  We didn’t know what was wrong with her and she couldn’t explain why she was agitated.

I bought the CD on eBay for $1.50.  Shortly after it arrived, I asked Fred to play it for Gladys.  Had I known the effect it would have on her, I would have done so sooner.  When I finish this post, I’m going to call my mother and ask what other music I should buy.

This past Monday our home health aid and the nurse arrived about the same time.  They were surprised that it took both of them to get Gladys out of her chair and stand her up to her walker.  Of course Gladys told the nurse that she felt fine and everything was going well.  They looked at me, surprised at the effort that it took for both of them to help her up.  I just looked at them and said “Welcome to My World.”

More change is in store because my husband, Fred, starts working next week.  It will be an adjustment because he helps me a lot with Gladys.  I have added another day for our sitter, so that will be some relief and allow me to run errands and do other things I need to do.

All we can do is take it one day at a time and do the best we can.  It gets a little frustrating but so far we’re managing.

Last weekend we took advantage of respite services offered by our hospice provider.  In order to receive the services we had to request a date and set it up in advance.  About a month ago, I gave them two sets of dates from which to work.  The social worker checked with the three nursing homes they use to see if beds were available for either of the dates provided.  One of the nursing homes had a bed available for my second choice, April 30 – May 2.  We took it.

Why We Opted For Respite Care

Most people use respite care to rest or to take a trip.  We used it to work.  Gladys is losing control of her hands; as a result, she drops a lot of food and spills a lot of drinks.  We decided it was time to pull up the carpet in her room and replace it with something that was easier to clean – linoleum.  We couldn’t do this with Gladys at home because she can’t walk up stairs and we wouldn’t have anyplace to put her while we worked.  So we decided on respite care.

The Plan

• Enlist the help of husband, daughter and daughter’s boyfriend
• Get a commitment from said family members to help for the three days
• Friday:  1) Take Gladys to the nursing home by 9:00 AM.  2) Remove all furniture and items from Gladys’ room and storage area.  3) Paint bedroom and storage area.
• Saturday:  1) Installers remove carpet; prep the floor, install linoleum and shoe mold.  2) We paint shoe mold and baseboards.  3) Let floor settle.
• Sunday:  1) Move furniture back in.  2) Assemble closet organizer.  3) convert storage area to a walk in closet.  4) Install new blinds and sheers.  5) Bring Gladys home.

Reflections

Even though we worked during our weekend of respite care, I was surprised at how restful those three days were.  Just as the definition says, it was a relief – a relief to not constantly check on Gladys; a relief to sleep through the night without listening for sounds coming from the baby monitor; a relief to get up in the morning and have a leisurely cup of coffee.  It was restful in a different kind of way.

I was apprehensive about leaving Gladys with strangers but it was comforting to know that there was a staff of nurses to take care of her.  I also thought I would go by each day to check on her but at the end of the day I was too tired from painting and moving furniture.

All in all, my plan for the weekend went well, and a lot was accomplished.  Next week I’ll give some feedback on the facility.

I was very impressed with one of the sitters, Tami.  I called her on Wednesday, checked her references on Thursday and interviewed her at my home on Saturday.  Fred and I both like her.  I also checked with Stephanie and asked how the private sitter list was comprised.  It turns out that when Stephanie visits her hospice clients, she observes how the caregivers interact with their patients.  If Stephanie is impressed, she adds them to her list.

We Hired Tami

We hired Tami.  Today is the end of her third week with us and so far we are very pleased.  Before we hired Tami, I called both of our daughters and told them about her background and her references.  My oldest daughter Nichole, was concerned that she had only worked for two of the families for 4 months and 8 months.  She wanted to know why “she couldn’t keep a job.”  I told Nichole that her tenure with those families was short because the patients had died.  Nichole was alarmed and said, “You don’t want to hire her, she might kill Aunt Gladys too.”  I told Nichole to relax.  Tami had primarily been a live-in caregiver who cared for terminally ill patients.

We Made An Agreement

An Internet search provided several contract samples.  I used a contract from Agis.com and modified it to suit my needs.  Tami works three days a week.  In addition to routine caregiver duties she coaches Gladys through her physical therapy exercises and when the weather is pleasant, Tami puts Gladys in her wheel chair and walks her around the subdivision.

So far, we are very pleased with Tami.  Gladys is receiving good care and we are comfortable having her in our home.  More Updates later.

Related Posts:  The Ever Changing Life of A Family Caregiver

Car Issues

We all know that car problems occur when we least expect them or are the least prepared to pay for them.  Over the past two months we had the key problem that I talked about in the previous post.  That problem was more frustrating than anything and unreasonably expensive.  Just before the key problem we had to replace the front struts.  Now it’s the catalytic converter.

Job Issues

A lot has been going on at the church.  Recent staff changes has caused all of us to pitch in more to make sure things don’t fall through the cracks.

Caregiver Issues

Last month Gladys’ adult day care told me that they didn’t think they would be able to accommodate Gladys much longer.  She was beginning to require too much care.

• she needs help sitting down and getting up
• she needs help going to the bathroom and adjusting her clothes
• she’s getting confused at mealtime and forgets how to use her utensils or thinks her banana is a fork
• she’s moving extremely slow
• she’s not participating in activities because she keeps falling asleep

Last week the day care called and said that April 30th would have to be Gladys’ last day.

When I got the first call, I began to explore our care options and possible funding assistance.  Unfortunately, her income just meets the cut off amount to qualify for assistance.

Hospice Help

About nine months ago I met a young lady from Hospice Advantage who told me to contact her if I ever needed any help.  Like so many other people, I thought hospice only took care of people who were dying.  Not So!  I contacted the young lady, told her my situation.  This is what happened:

• a nurse came out to evaluate Gladys (she qualified for services)
• a nurse visits twice a week to check Gladys’ vitals and her overall condition
• a home health aid comes by three times a week to bathe, dress and groom Gladys
• they supply her disposable briefs, disposable underpads, perineal wash, dry skin cream and some of her medications
• a social worker was assigned to assist us
• we have access to an on-call nurse 24 hours/day
• they provide 5 days of respite care per quarter
• gave us a list of recommended agencies and private caregivers

The services offered by hospice don’t resolve daily care issues but the services they provide are a big help and free up some finances.

Care options

• Quit my job and take care of Gladys full-time
• Hire an unemployed friend or church member to take care of Gladys
• Employ the services of an agency that provides CNA’s and trained caregivers
• Employ the services of an independent CNA or trained caregiver

Here’s where we are with care options:  1) I need my job; 2) hiring a friend or church member may not work out and potentially damage relationships; 3) agencies offer a good service but are too expensive (for us) for long term care.  That brings us to 4) employ an independent caregiver.

I went through the list provided by hospice and called for rates.  I contacted the agencies and the private sitters.  I was very impressed with one of the private sitters and contacted her references.  She is primarily a live-in hospice caregiver but I am only looking for 3 days per week.  Her previous clients gave her outstanding recommendations.

We will interview her this afternoon.  I’ll keep you posted.