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Does Dementia Affect Pride in Appearance? I Think Not!
If you are a caregiver for someone with dementia, have you ever wondered why they remember certain things and forget others? Do you wonder how they can be so cantankerous about how you comb their hair, which shoes or outfits they want to wear? This baffles me.
When Gladys was a young woman, she was quite attractive and had what was once called an “hour glass figure.” She took a lot of pride in her appearance. She had long thick hair that was always impeccably styled and she wore the latest fashions. Gladys still takes pride in her appearance but I am confused about how her memory works.
I can’t make Gladys understand that her hair is too thin to wear in the trademark pageboy of her youth. She wants to wear her hair down but it needs to be in a pony tail or braided in order to control the fly away effect that happens shortly after her hair is combed. She thinks it looks nice but it is a mess.
Another issue is 
shoes. Gladys hates the orthopedic shoes that the doctors want her to wear. She says they are ugly, and they are, but they provide the extra support that she needs. She has two pair of fairly stylish flats that we let her wear to church and on special occasions but not every day. Every morning I lay out her clothes for the day. I help her with the more difficult things that she has to put on but she can usually navigate her pants, socks and shoes by herself. After I help Gladys with the difficult items of clothing, I go upstairs to get dressed and that’s when she tries to put on a different pair of shoes. She tries to trick my husband into helping her but he doesn’t fall for it.
Yesterday Gladys had a doctor’s appointment. Just like every other day, I had to remind her:
- to use mouthwash before she put in her dentures
- her underwear is in the top dresser draw
- that she had already put lotion on her hands (three times at least)
- her chewing gum is on the dresser
- the cat has already been fed
These are daily reminders that are part of her normal routine, but things that she forgets almost immediately after she has been reminded. So again, my question is - How can she remember which shoes she would rather wear? How does she remember that she doesn’t want me to braid her hair like I did yesterday? How does she remember the black knit blouse with the black and white cuffs and collar?
What’s the deal here? Do you experience the same kind of problems?
3 People have left comments on this post
Nov 8, 2008 - 10:11:57Mom, this is a riot! I am having a flashback because Aunt Gladys did this to me ALL the time. I forgot to tell you–unfortunately you have to hide the items that you don’t want her to wear. She will be angry that they are not there, but that beats fighting with her to take it off or take it from her. She would always want to wear the same outfit two-three days in a row. I had to sneak and put them in the hamper when she wasn’t looking. She would yell ‘That’s not dirty. That’s not dirty.!” She would get hip to that and I would have to put them at the bottom because she couldn’t pull the clothes out past what was on the top.
I always had problems with washing her her hair. She didn’t want me to wash it because she thought that’s what was making her hair come out. I had to really quick when she got in the shower and wet her hair. She would get angry and I would distract her with a joke or a funny or juicy story. Then eventually she would forget. Then the next hair wash she would say “now you’re not getting ready to wash my hair…” and we would do it all over. The really funny thing is that I had the bottle of hair wash foam that the hospital provides and she thought it was mousse so that is what I mainly used.
Good luck with that. You could always blame the missing clothes on me and the shampooing on the doctor!
Good post, I like your writing style! I’ve added http://acaregiversjournal.com/ to my feed reader, and will be reading your posts from now on. Just a quick question - did you design your header image yourself, or have it done professionally? If you had it done by a professional, who was it?
John, thanks for the kind comments. I worked with Michael Martine from http://www.Remarkablogger.com (see link at bottom of page). I supplied the photos and he designed the header and made some other changes for me. If you use Michael, tell him I sent you.