Living with MS: Taking Care of Mike

I want to give other caregivers an opportunity to share their experiences so I added a category called Your Story. If you would like to share your story please send it to me by e-mail. I will be glad to post it.

This post was written by Veronica Keyes.

I would like to share my story in hopes it will encourage others and allow me to vent and share my feelings on living with a spouse with an illness. I would like to make it clear I am so proud of my husband, Mike. I realize he is not the same person I married 22 years ago, are any of us the same as we were in our younger days. Although his change is not gaining 50 lbs, or sporting a bald spot in the center of his head or even mid life crisis. Sometimes I think all that would be so much easier for me to handle. No, Mike’s change is that he is living with Multiple Sclerosis.

In 2000 when he was first diagnosed I just took it as another obstacle in our marriage. We had contemplated divorce many times because we were faced with so many issues. We had so much love and respect for each other that we could not allow our marriage to end. We were really true friends. So we worked hard on improving our marriage. For so many years I didn’t think much of his MS because he was healthy and worked to take care of the family and treated me like the QUEEN I am.

In 2006 things changed drastically, Mike had no control over his bladder, he had seizures, his short term memory faded, he was confined to a wheelchair and worst he was admitted to a nursing home. WOW (forgive me, I need a moment for my crying spell). Now, without any warning I was in charge of the household, I had to discipline our 3 teenage children, cook, and take over the finances. This was a complete shock to my being. It’s no longer me and Mike as one, it’s me and Mike as individuals.

Who do I belly ache to when things go wrong? Who do I run to when I need attention? Who strokes my head to tell me they are glad we are together? Who pats my butt when we want to cuddle and share a moment of intimacy? Now the change is affecting both me and Mike.

I must admit it has been hard for all of us. The lessons I’ve learned has made it all necessary. I no longer take life for granted. Mike and I have been through it all and to this day I have no regrets. I will never speak ill of him. He is my hero, he never speaks bad about his situation. He is always in good spirits. He truly is a great husband. Sure he came up short in some of areas, but even that doesn’t matter. The good times truly outweigh the bad.

I plead, implore, beg for couples to embrace each other. The small things really don’t matter. Enjoy the warmth and love of your spouse. Use me and Mike as an example, if you REALLY love each other and want the marriage to work think of us. Think about a once strong 210 lb, 6 foot bald, full beard, 42 year old man now literally deteriorating, an aging invalid who can longer cook for his family or play ball with his boys and not able to comprehend that his 20 year old baby girl is now a teacher.

We are separated because of illness, yes its like a divorce. The hurt and loss is tremendous. We thank God for all things, he is truly our strength. Mike is not able to carry on an adult conversation because his long and short term memory is affected by the MS; however, the one thing he is consistent about is reading his Bible and giving God the glory in his life. Mike once stated he’s like “Job” and believes God will bring him through this season. I hope you all can feel the love Mike and I share.

Thank you for reading my story.

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