Caregiving For Aging Parents Can Catch You Off Guard

For some people, becoming a caregiver will be  like getting a speeding ticket.  Those of us who drive I-75 or I-285 in Atlanta know that normal traffic flow is at least 20 miles per hour over the speed limit.  Every day we see people getting speeding tickets, we know the state troopers are out there and we don’t expect to get caught.  But when it happens to us (and it finally happened to me) it catches us off guard, even though we know that we are speeding.

When we are unprepared, our introduction to caregiving for an aging family member is like getting a speeding ticket.  We know that our parents and relatives are aging.  We have been driving them to the grocery store, helping them run errands, picking up their prescriptions and trying to take care of household repairs.  We see our friends, neighbors, church members and co-workers who struggle with the challenges of caring for aging parents and we have empathy for them.  But, we get caught off guard when we finally get pulled over and our caregiving ticket is written.

When Gladys had her stroke is 2005 and the doctors told us that she would no longer be able to live alone, the first question we asked was, “What are we going to do with Gladys?”  We weren’t even familiar with the term caregiver and didn’t know if we had what it takes to be a caregiver. I was an empty nester with plans for early retirement and travel.  I had just moved from a large house in the suburbs to a town home closer to the city and airport.  I also lived 750 miles away.  My daughter, Nichole, who lived near Gladys was a newly-wed with two pre-teen step daughters.  Caregiving was not on our radar screen.

One of the reasons I blog about caregiving is to encourage people to prepare in advance for their aging family members.  Before it catches you off guard, sit down and give some thought to what your family will do when your parents or some other family member will need a caregiver.  Familiarize yourself with housing options and in home caregivers.  Think about what kinds of changes you may have to make to your home.  Learn what you can about Medicare.  Think about how your life will change.

Studies indicate that by the year 2030 there will be 72 million people over the age of 65.   About 10 million of those will be over 85 years old.  Will your family be caught off guard or will they be prepared to care for their aging family members?  The bigger question is, will this country be prepared?  Whether we are ready or not, it’s coming.

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Are You Prepared to Care for Aging Family Members?

If you are 45 or older, chances are that sometime in the future, you may be faced with taking care of an aging family member.  Are you prepared to care for aging family members?  Even more-so, are you prepared to care for an aging person with severe physical limitations and dementia or Alzheimer’s?

During the ’60′s and 70′s I was a big fan of Tim Conway’s “Old Man” character on the Carol Burnett Show.  I laughed at the old man as he shuffled his feet and moved in tiny little steps.  It seemed to take him forever to move a few feet.  I had no idea that as I became a caregiver that those shuffling feet and tiny steps would become a part of my life.  Compared to Gladys, Tim Conway’s character was power walking.

Some of the changes you may need to prepare for as a caregiver are listed below.

• Changes to Your Home:  If at all possible, a bedroom and bathroom on the first level of your home is ideal.  Many aging people have problems climbing stairs.  For physical limitations, you will also need to modify your bathroom with handrails, elevated toilet seats and a walk in shower equipped with a shower seat, a hand held shower kit and slide bar.  Your doors should also be wide enough to accommodate wheel chairs and walkers.
• Time Management:  Once you become a caregiver, time management is crucial.  In addition to additional responsibilities at home, time needs to be managed for doctors appointments, physical therapy, picking up prescriptions, transport to day care . . .
• Family Support:  If you don’t have family and friends who will relieve you, you won’t have a social life, you won’t get any rest and you will be a candidate for caregiver burnout.
• Patience:  Once you master the patience quotient, start looking for your caregiver’s nomination to sainthood.  Older people, especially with physical limitations, move very slowly.  It can literally be like watching something in slow motion.  I didn’t really understand until I saw the Xtreme Aging Workshop Video.  Telling them to hurry up doesn’t make them move faster, it just frustrates them because they are moving as fast as they can.  Another factor in doing things slowly is dementia.  Dementia can cause your aging family member to forget how to perform normal routine things that we take for granted.
• Medicare and Medicaid:  Understanding these fraternal twins is akin to understanding the Nightmare on Elm Street.  Just like I don’t understand why anyone still lives on Elm Street, I don’t understand how Medicare works.  There a so many options that are not easy to understand.  When you get through that maze, give me a call.
• Legal Issues:  An assortment of legal documents need to be addressed:  living will, power of attorney, paying bills, checking account . . .
• Resources:  There are many resources available for aging seniors and family caregivers.  This site lists some that you can use to get started, there are many others out there.
• Disability Parking Permit:  If your aging family member has difficulty walking or uses a wheel chair, you can apply for a disabled persons parking permit through your county office.  In Georgia, I got mine at the same place where driver’s licenses are issued.  Some states, including Georgia, require a statement or prescription from your doctor.
• Emergency Supplies:  Depending on the needs of your aging family member you may need to keep a tote bag with emergency supplies.  Some of the things I keep in my car, in the wheel chair backpack and the walker tote are:  extra Depends, baby wipes, cotton balls (for nose bleeds) hand sanitizer, paper towels and tissues.  Your needs may be different, these just happen to be the things I carry.

I hope this has been helpful and has given you something to think about.  As you think of additional things, let us know in the comment section.

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