A Caregivers Goals for 2010: Unlocking The Old Me

Taking My Life Back

Before I became a caregiver there were things I used to enjoy that have all but disappeared from my life.  I realized this a few months ago when I went on vacation for the first time since I became Gladys’ caregiver.  My life pretty much revolves around Gladys’ needs and I’ve neglected myself  in many ways.  That’s about to change.

The holidays gave me a chance to jump start some things that I want to bring back into my life.  It’s amazing how little things can provide so much satisfaction.  The following changes are being re-incorporated into my life.

Date Night

I haven’t been married for 38 years by ignoring my husband.  Fridays used to be our date night.  It’s something we started about 20 years ago and kept up until 2008.  While we probably can’t make a weekly date, we can probably work in a date once a month.  I just have to convince my daughter, Anita, to watch Gladys for us while we go out.

Love A Good Book

I love to read.  Give me a good thriller or murder mystery and I’m a happy camper:  Vince Flynn, Michael Connelly, Walter Mosley, JD Robb or Tom Clancy.  Between Thanksgiving and New Years Eve, I read four novels – three JD Robb and one Michael Connelly.  JD Robb is a recent author that I started reading and I’m trying to catch up on the Eve Dallas series.  Fortunately I found a good second hand book store that also takes trade-ins.  I didn’t get much else done, but I was content and eager to get back to my books.

My reading goal is at least one novel per month.

Food Network Anyone?

Until last month, it had been a while since I tried a new recipe.  Over the past month I’ve tried at least six new recipes, including frying a turkey.  I shared my new recipe adventures with my Facebook friends.  It’s funny how so many friends responded to the cholesterol, calorie laden recipes but not a peep when I share the healthy ones.

This goal is to try a new recipe at least twice a month.

Regular Vacations

This year I went on vacation alone and that was a stretch.  Not because I can’t handle being alone (I enjoy alone time), but because my husband is semi retired and has not worked in about two years.  In addition to that, my hours were cut just before Gladys came to stay with us.  However, we’re going to work it out along with care for Gladys while we are gone.

Exercise of Any Kind

Just before Gladys came to live with us I started walking for exercise.  It wasn’t much but it was something.  Over the past year and a half I have become a bonafide couch potato and gained about 10 pounds.  I’ve got to get back to walking.  Also need to incorporate a stretching routine.

I believe all of these are doable.  It’s not really a lot, it just takes some planning and time management.

What About You?

If you are a caregiver who has become stuck in a rut, I hope you will also take a look at some things that you can do to take your life back.

Comments?  Feedback?

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A Custody Issue – Can You Help This Young Woman

This young lady shared her situation through “Share Your Caregiver Story.”  If you have any suggestions that could help her, please leave them in the comments section.  I think she will appreciate any help she can get.

well… where should I begin!? I have taken care of my grandmother for over 15 years. After her fall last year, she was released from the hospital under hospice.  Her son took her home to live with him . . .  His wife does not care for me or my grandmother.  We have repeatedly had fights! My grandmother has told her son, she wants to come back home and live . . .  He has refused her request twice.  His wife does not care about my grandmother.  I have thought about getting an attorney.  He is almost keeping her like a prisoner.  He does not let her out of the house except to get a haircut.  HELP!!  And I am just the grand-daughter who has cared for her. .

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The Sad Side of Caregiving for Family Members with Dementia

If you are a family caregiver, you know the difficulties of taking care of an aging person with any form dementia.  They forget so many things that you remember and may feel are important.  Eventually, they may forget your name and who you are.

If you’ve been reading this blog, you know that I take care of my god-sister.  She is a widow with no children, siblings or close family members – except me and my family.   During the the first ten years of my life, I was primarily raised by my god-mother.  Even though Gladys is old enough to be my mother, she and I were raised as sisters.

The Gladys that I grew up with was a strong, confident, self-sufficient woman.  Today, she is just a shell of her former self – she is the exact antithesis of what she used to be.  Granted, she has flash backs and threatens to knock the sh## out of one of the other clients at the adult day care center; but that’s rare.  Her body is weak, she is totally reliant on me and Fred (my husband) and her memory fades more each day.

Gladys knows who I am but she doesn’t know my name.  She often confuses me with my oldest daughter, Nichole and as a result she calls me Nichole.  My husband, Fred and daughter, Anita don’t have names.  Gladys manages to call them without using a name.

It’s very difficult for me to come to grips with this Gladys because I still see the strong, confident woman I knew in the past.  Yet, I realize that the past is exactly that – the past.

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