Caregiving For Aging Parents Can Catch You Off Guard

For some people, becoming a caregiver will be  like getting a speeding ticket.  Those of us who drive I-75 or I-285 in Atlanta know that normal traffic flow is at least 20 miles per hour over the speed limit.  Every day we see people getting speeding tickets, we know the state troopers are out there and we don’t expect to get caught.  But when it happens to us (and it finally happened to me) it catches us off guard, even though we know that we are speeding.

When we are unprepared, our introduction to caregiving for an aging family member is like getting a speeding ticket.  We know that our parents and relatives are aging.  We have been driving them to the grocery store, helping them run errands, picking up their prescriptions and trying to take care of household repairs.  We see our friends, neighbors, church members and co-workers who struggle with the challenges of caring for aging parents and we have empathy for them.  But, we get caught off guard when we finally get pulled over and our caregiving ticket is written.

When Gladys had her stroke is 2005 and the doctors told us that she would no longer be able to live alone, the first question we asked was, “What are we going to do with Gladys?”  We weren’t even familiar with the term caregiver and didn’t know if we had what it takes to be a caregiver. I was an empty nester with plans for early retirement and travel.  I had just moved from a large house in the suburbs to a town home closer to the city and airport.  I also lived 750 miles away.  My daughter, Nichole, who lived near Gladys was a newly-wed with two pre-teen step daughters.  Caregiving was not on our radar screen.

One of the reasons I blog about caregiving is to encourage people to prepare in advance for their aging family members.  Before it catches you off guard, sit down and give some thought to what your family will do when your parents or some other family member will need a caregiver.  Familiarize yourself with housing options and in home caregivers.  Think about what kinds of changes you may have to make to your home.  Learn what you can about Medicare.  Think about how your life will change.

Studies indicate that by the year 2030 there will be 72 million people over the age of 65.   About 10 million of those will be over 85 years old.  Will your family be caught off guard or will they be prepared to care for their aging family members?  The bigger question is, will this country be prepared?  Whether we are ready or not, it’s coming.

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When Aging Loved Ones Need Physical Therapy

Gladys began physical therapy today.  I started to notice some changes in her walk, the way she sat and how she avoided using her right arm, but I thought they were normal signs of aging.  It wasn’t until her doctor’s office was trying to schedule Gladys for a mammogram and I asked if the procedure can be done from a seated position because I didn’t think Gladys could stand long enough for them to complete the mammogram.  That’s when the nurse began to ask a lot of questions and it was determined that Gladys needed some physical therapy.

The sad thing is that I probably contributed to part of her condition.  Gladys does not have cartilage in her arms and it is very painful for her to use them.  When she came to live with me, Gladys was able to take off her shirts that didn’t have buttons, zippers or snaps by herself.  When I saw how painful it was for her to move her arms, I began to help her put on and take off her shirts; taking them off in way that minimized arm movement.  As a result, she is no longer able to take them off by herself.  Why?  Because the muscles in her arms have stiffened due to lack of use.  Also, because she has become accustomed to my helping her with it, so now she expects my help.

Being a caregiver for an elderly stroke survivor with dementia has its challenges.  It is challenging because they can have such limited use of their limbs and the combination of the after effects of stroke combined with dementia often means they forget how to perform simple tasks.  When they are in pain, you want to help, but sometimes helping means enabling.  That balance is sometimes hard to find.

Anyway, we’ll see how the therapy goes.

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The Upside to Aging – Golf at Any Age

For the past seven months I have been blogging about my new role as my god-sister’s caregiver.  Even though it is a challenge to care for someone with dementia and limited physical abilities, I try to keep it light, sometimes humorous and easy on complaints. That said, I want to end the year on a light humorous note.  Hope you enjoy the story.

My husband, Fred, helps me take care of Gladys.  Yesterday, after dropping her off at day care, Fred decided to play a round of golf in this mild Georgia winter.  Fred was paired up with three elderly gentlemen ages 78, 82 and 87.  They play golf every Tuesday and have been playing together for 50 years.

One of the gentlemen was hard of hearing and the other couldn’t see well.  Fred said what is usually a four hour round of golf took 5 1/2 hours.  He spent a lot of time showing them where their balls landed and shouting directions.  The three com padres tuckered out near the 15th hole but they held on until number 18.

Fred enjoyed every minute of it.  He loves golf and hopes he can still play a round when he is 87.  At the end of the round, one of the men called his spry 77 year old wife to come pick him up.  She asked him if he would be standing or passed out

Happy New Year Everybody!

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