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Living With MS: Taking Care of Mike Part 2
This post was submitted by Veronica Keyes. Please see her earlier post: Living With MS: Taking Care of Mike.
Homage to My Hero Mike
It has been two years and eight months since my husband, Mike Keyes, was admitted to a nursing home. During that time I have seen how MS takes hold of a person and refuses to let go. I wanted to write this post is to show the changes in Mike’s life.
Mike the Handy Man
Mike was not a college grad, however, he could hang with the best of them. He was well read and diverse in many subjects and areas. He never received formal training for electronics yet he could fix anything. He made the speakers for his DJ system from old parts – he was definitely electronically inclined.
To put a bike together was no challenge for him, in the early years of marriage, Mike made a functioning bike from old bike scraps. Many years ago our neighbor, Mrs. Mae had a broken window fan she didn’t want to throw away. Mike came to the rescue and somehow got her fan to work. Before we relocated to Georgia in 2005, Mike implemented the audio/technical system at our church with a minimal budget and was entrusted to maintain it for many years. During the Christmas season he would purchase items for the children he had to put together. It was a challenge for him to do it without instructions. I frequently jest with Mike calling him the jack of all trade and master of all. He proved that to be true each time.
Mike the Provider
Mike was not a lazy man, throughout our marriage he held 2 jobs and always had time for me and our 3 children. In 2000 he worked as a phlebotomist and a certified nurse assistant. His ultimate plan was to become a registered nurse, but that dream was halted when he was diagnosed with MS. Mike would not let that prevent him from providing for his family. He had another plan he went to school for real estate, shortly thereafter he became too ill to actually sell homes.
Mike Today
Today our lives have changed. I visit Mike in the nursing home and it’s difficult for us to talk. We look at each other and our eyes speak more than Mike and I speak. It’s as if our eyes are feasting on our memories. Our conversations are limited because most of the times he is unaware that he has just asked the same question several times. What was once so easy for him to do is now a major chore that seems unattainable – the art of holding a conversation. The joy of plucking my brain or sharing his wealth of knowledge has dwindled to “Ronnie, how are you and the children?” Occasionally, he will surprise me and tell me he is so proud of me. I wait thinking today we will have a conversation of substance. Then as I began to get excited he regresses to “So Ronnie, how are you and the children.” There for all to see, the cruel face of MS reveals itself again.
Throughout this post, I used the word “was” because MS has taken Michael away, and it has given me Mike. I don’t want anyone to feel I’ve abandoned Mike. Not at all, I have to accept that Michael is different. I am grieving Michael and embracing Mike. Yes, it is a coping mechanism for me. I don’t apologize for that because I have to do what keep me sane and focused.
Mike and I realized many years ago we were put together for me a reason. We often joke I was put in his life to tell him about Jesus Christ and he was put in my life to spoil me rotten. It has worked for us we are truly great friends and we balance each other.
Be encouraged.
Living with MS: Taking Care of Mike
I want to give other caregivers an opportunity to share their experiences so I added a category called Your Story. If you would like to share your story please send it to me by e-mail. I will be glad to post it.
This post was written by Veronica Keyes.
I would like to share my story in hopes it will encourage others and allow me to vent and share my feelings on living with a spouse with an illness. I would like to make it clear I am so proud of my husband, Mike. I realize he is not the same person I married 22 years ago, are any of us the same as we were in our younger days. Although his change is not gaining 50 lbs, or sporting a bald spot in the center of his head or even mid life crisis. Sometimes I think all that would be so much easier for me to handle. No, Mike’s change is that he is living with Multiple Sclerosis.
In 2000 when he was first diagnosed I just took it as another obstacle in our marriage. We had contemplated divorce many times because we were faced with so many issues. We had so much love and respect for each other that we could not allow our marriage to end. We were really true friends. So we worked hard on improving our marriage. For so many years I didn’t think much of his MS because he was healthy and worked to take care of the family and treated me like the QUEEN I am.
In 2006 things changed drastically, Mike had no control over his bladder, he had seizures, his short term memory faded, he was confined to a wheelchair and worst he was admitted to a nursing home. WOW (forgive me, I need a moment for my crying spell). Now, without any warning I was in charge of the household, I had to discipline our 3 teenage children, cook, and take over the finances. This was a complete shock to my being. It’s no longer me and Mike as one, it’s me and Mike as individuals.
Who do I belly ache to when things go wrong? Who do I run to when I need attention? Who strokes my head to tell me they are glad we are together? Who pats my butt when we want to cuddle and share a moment of intimacy? Now the change is affecting both me and Mike.
I must admit it has been hard for all of us. The lessons I’ve learned has made it all necessary. I no longer take life for granted. Mike and I have been through it all and to this day I have no regrets. I will never speak ill of him. He is my hero, he never speaks bad about his situation. He is always in good spirits. He truly is a great husband. Sure he came up short in some of areas, but even that doesn’t matter. The good times truly outweigh the bad.
I plead, implore, beg for couples to embrace each other. The small things really don’t matter. Enjoy the warmth and love of your spouse. Use me and Mike as an example, if you REALLY love each other and want the marriage to work think of us. Think about a once strong 210 lb, 6 foot bald, full beard, 42 year old man now literally deteriorating, an aging invalid who can longer cook for his family or play ball with his boys and not able to comprehend that his 20 year old baby girl is now a teacher.
We are separated because of illness, yes its like a divorce. The hurt and loss is tremendous. We thank God for all things, he is truly our strength. Mike is not able to carry on an adult conversation because his long and short term memory is affected by the MS; however, the one thing he is consistent about is reading his Bible and giving God the glory in his life. Mike once stated he’s like “Job” and believes God will bring him through this season. I hope you all can feel the love Mike and I share.
Thank you for reading my story.
