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Elder Care: Fast Decline Can Catch You Off Guard
In April I wrote a post about Gladys’ declining mental and physical capabilities. At that time the adult day care she was attending, informed us that they wouldn’t be able to keep her as a client past the end of the month. Since then, it’s been four and a half months of constant change. We are in the season of elder care where it’s become very difficult.
Gladys’ decline has progressed so rapidly that it caught us off guard. We expected decline but not so much in such a short period of time. Initially, I hired our sitter, Tami, to come for three days a week – the two days that I work and an extra day so I could run some errands. However, because of the rapid change in Gladys’ condition, I added another day at the end of July. By October, I expect to have Tami coming five days a week.
Three weeks ago, Gladys could walk about 15 steps. Those steps were very slow and unsteady. Two weeks ago those 15 steps became about six steps. Today she can’t walk at all. There are also other areas of decline that have taken place since April:
- She can’t stand
- She cannot sit up without assistance
- She can’t roll or turn from side to side
- Her left hand is claw-like and her right hand is on it’s way
- She can only feed herself finger food
- She can’t use a fork or hold a cup
- She has difficulty swallowing her medicine
- She hallucinates
Hospice ordered a Hoya lift that we use to move Gladys from her bed to her recliner. I don’t know what we would do without the lift because trying to move her is like moving dead weight. It’s impossible to explain to Gladys that we need to roll her so we can change her diaper, bathe her or change her clothes. She just doesn’t understand instructions.
Dealing with Gladys now is very frustrating for several reasons: first because she doesn’t understand what’s going on; second because she has no cartilage so it’s very painful when we move her; third because she resists and pushes against us when we try to move her; fourth because she fusses and wants to know “why are you doing this to me;” and fifth because she has no idea that she can’t do any of the things that I mentioned above. She thinks that she if fully functional.
So far I still handle my frustrations with humor. After I walk away, about 30 minutes later I can still laugh at the absurdity of what Gladys has said or done. Just yesterday, Gladys was fussing at me and I fussed back at her. My husband asked, “Why are you trying to reason with her? You know she doesn’t understand.” I said to him “I know that but it helps me get it off my chest. Plus, I know that five minutes later, she won’t remember any of this?” We both had a good laugh, and I felt better.
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