A Caregivers Thoughts on the Quality of Life

Every day when Gladys gets up, I ask her “How are you today?”  Her response is always, “Thank God I’m still alive.”  Every time she says that, I wonder what it is that she’s thankful for.  (I know that’ sounds bad but it’s what I think).

Her Mental State

Gladys has lived a good life and a fairly long life.  She can engage you in reasonably good conversation.  If you didn’t know she has dementia, you would have a hard time discerning it.  Gladys has known me since I was born, literally!  She was the one who took my mother to the hospital.  However, she does not remember my name.  She knows her birth date but not today’s date.  If you ask her the year, she will say it’s 1999.  She doesn’t know where she lives but she knows that she’s not in Philadelphia anymore (we moved her to Georgia a year ago).  She knows that a black man is president, but she can’t remember that his name is Obama.

Recently she has started asking the same questions over and over again.  Sometimes she forgets that she ate; she forgets she just came out of the bathroom and turns around and goes right back again. I know these are all the usual progression of dementia, but I’m still puzzled by her reply, “Thank God I’m still alive.”

Gladys knows that something is wrong with her but she doesn’t know what’s wrong.  Her greatest fear is what people used to call “old and doty.”  When she does things that don’t make sense, she’ll cry and ask, “Am I losing my mind?”  I know that she is, but what am I suppose to say?

Her Physical Condition

Every day Gladys takes 13 different medications.  She has another that is in reserve for very severe pain only. She has extremely severe arthritis and is always in pain.  She has no cartilage in her joints.  Even though she takes glucosamine/chondroitin and calcium chews every day, they doesn’t seem to help.  I can hear her bones rubbing and knocking together.  I can see the pain on her face and sometimes she’s in so much pain that she just cries; and there’s nothing I can do about it.

She moves so slowly that I am constantly reminded of Tim Conway’s little old man on the Carol Burnett Show. I used to laugh so hard when his segment came on the show.  But I’m not laughing now.  Compared to Gladys, Tim Conway’s little old man was running a sprint.  In the mornings it takes me 2 1/2 hours to get her ready so we can take her to adult day care.

There are many other examples I can give but I think this is enough.  So if I go back to my original thoughts about the quality of life, I ask myself would I rather live that way, would I want a better quality of life or would I want to go home to be with the Lord.  I know there are millions of people living with a variety of diseases and conditions that have a poor quality of life.  I don’t know what the answer is.  I know what I feel now, but as life goes on my opinion may change.

Right now I am one person looking at another person whose mind  and body are slowly deteriorating.  I wonder if I was in the same condition, would I thank God that I’m still alive or ask Him to bring me on home?

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