Subscribe to RSSThe Daughter Trap: A Book Review
A few months ago Laurel Kennedy asked me to review her book – The Daughter Trap: Taking Care of Mom and Dad . . . And You. Laurel and I met (so to speak) on Twitter where we follow each other. Unfortunately the book sat longer than I would have liked because like the women in Laurel’s book, I am a caregiver and the past few months have been full of personal caregiving issues and drama.
Ms Kennedy describes elder care as a “cultural phenomenon hidden in plain sight.” This quote from page 10 in the book caught my attention because I know that there are over 40 million caregivers for elderly family members but the subject only seems to be discussed among fellow caregivers. I agree with Laurel’s assessment that “elder care needs a poster child” so people can have a reason to care.
If you’re looking for a “how to” book about caregiving, this is not really that type of book. This book explores the issue of women being saddled as primary caregivers for aging family members. Laurel interviewed hundreds of women who care for their own parents, their husband’s parents, family members and neighbors. Through sharing, these women paint a not-so-pretty, but accurate, picture of their expectations and the sacrifices they make in the name of elder care.
One of the reasons I started this blog was to share my family’s experiences with elder care. This is because when most people get thrown into the elder care arena, they have no idea what to do. When I try to talk to friends and neighbors with elder care issues looming in the near future, I experience what Laurel calls an “aversion to end-of-life issues and the inevitable physical and mental declines associated with old age.”
Laurel firmly believes and advocates the need for an elder care champion and a media platform. She wants a movement established to put some teeth into the issue of elder care funding, legislation, tax credits and employment leaves of absence. She gives her idea of solutions and provides elder care resources at the end of her book.
If you are at least 40 years old and your parents are still living, this book will give you some insight into what could be in store for your future:
- exploring housing options
- care options
- taking time off from work and/or early retirement
- sibling rivalry
- the value of a good geriatrician
- financial challenges and responsibilities
- the need to take care of yourself
If you are already a caregiver you will relate to many of the stories shared by the women who were interviewed. By the way, Laurel did not discriminate – she interviewed some men as well.
I read this book with the eyes of someone who is already in the trenches. Fortunately my 80 year old mother is still in good health and her mind is sharp but I take care of my god-sister who has dementia and is bedridden. It is physically and emotionally difficult and it is often frustrating but I take care of her because she has no one else. I know this book is a good resource because I’m living it.
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Sep 4, 2010 - 01:09:50I just downloaded *The Daughter Trap* onto my Kindle and will read it and comment on it.
What I see is the kind of denial you mention about the inevitable necessity to care for helpless loved ones. Many of my peers are getting to the point where they really need attention and care, and their children know it but are already busy to the max with jobs and their own kids. And then there are my peers dealing with very, very old parents when they aren’t in such great shape themselves.
It is indeed a “cultural phenomenon hidden in plain sight.”
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