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The Fraternity of Caregivers
Family caregivers form a fraternity that only we understand and appreciate. Former and present caregivers are all a part of this fraternity. We understand the time commitment and sacrifice. We understand the effects of fatigue and sleepless nights. We know that Murphy’s Law is alive and well. Those of us who care for adults with physical disabilities have thrown out our backs and used muscles we didn’t know we had. And those of us who care for family members with dementia know the frustration that comes when they ask us the same question five times or tell us the same thing over and over again. We also know how it feels when they no longer know our names or who we are.
Catching Up On the Simple Things
This past Saturday I had one goal: to catch up on my laundry. Sounds simple, right? Nope! Since Gladys started having incontinence issues at night, I spend a lot of time washing her sheets, mattress pads and night clothes. As a consequence, the rest of the laundry keeps getting pushed aside and I end up with mounds of laundry that accumulates. So what I end up doing is washing just what Fred and I need and putting the rest off.
Non-caregivers Just Don’t Understand
As a blogger, I try to participate in a few social networks so I put an update on my Facebook page that said I was spending Saturday, trying to catch up on laundry. One of my Facebook friends, who has three stair-step children, decided to make light of my status. She pointed out that she washes 16 loads every week and wanted to know just how much laundry do I do.
Now, fraternity members know this really isn’t a big deal; we also know how easily we can get stressed out by little things and sometimes tend to over-react to simple things. But, since I stopped to think before I replied, my reply was fairly civil with a slight edge. Here’s the kicker, the comment came from a church member and I’m the pastor’s personal assistant. And cussing is unacceptable and frowned upon by the saints. 
It’s especially unacceptable on the Internet where comments never disappear. 
Caregivers Get It
I put a similar update on Twitter. One of my Twitter friends who is also a caregiver replied: LOL, how exciting, that’s what I’m doing tomorrow. She gets it! It’s not glamorous or exciting. It just is what it is. Unless we want things to get completely out of control, we stop and get ourselves organized. We do what we need to do to maintain control of our lives.
Rant Over
OK, now that I’ve vented I feel better. Y’all have a good day. Want to vent about something too – fill up the comments. Bye
3 People have left comments on this post
May 25, 2009 - 07:05:57Oh my gosh, how insensitive of that person. You know I don’t even remember who the person was that hurt my feelings when I was complaining about filling up the birdfeeder and saying surely to goodness someone else could manage that task. I learned from those “helpful” comments to direct frustrations regarding my mother to those closest to me or other caregivers. And you are so right – it just is what it is!
Judy.
With Mom, I put one mattress pad under her fitted sheet and 2 parallel ontop. This helps me alot, when she’s incontinent. I *hate* having to blot up urine from the carpet. If I do, then I put the cat enzyme cleaner on the spot immediately. It definitely helps to remove the smell!!!
Hi Betty, I found reusable under pads to be a great help too. I may have to change them frequently, but that’s better than changing the whole bed. So far I have not had to clean urine from the carpet. I put a chair mat (for office chairs) under her bedside commode. It catches any “misses” there.
Thanks for the feedback.
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